Keep Smiling

Happy Easter!!

2008-03-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! I hope everyone enjoyed their St. Patty's Day and Easter.
I was lucky enough to be surprised by my 2 best friends Ryan and Eileen St Patty's Day weekend!! They came down Friday March 14th and I tried to spend as much time with them as I could. Unfortunately I was going away on Sunday March 16th for training and I needed to have this huge workbook done before I left...there was just not enough time for everything. I was just so happy they came to see ME! I was able to spend all Saturday night and Sunday with them, it made me realize...or remember I should say, what kind of friends I want in my life. I value friendship and a positive relationship with people who I let in and they just reiterated that for me which was a great thing!

The week of training was long and tiring! I would get up at 530 to go work out and had to be in class by 9 and we stayed there till 6pm. All the trainees and I stayed in a REALLY nice hotel with great treatment! Surprisingly some Towson people were there!! Small world! I had this huge room all to myself and I made it through training and became a certified consultant for Jenny Craig! It was good to get away and just have a nice hotel room all to myself...I found it very relaxing. We got free dinner and free breakfast there and basically lunch was taken care of too. SO everything was paid for...like a free vacation!!! Some of the bad things....only 3 out of 6 people made it through training and I felt as though our trainer was VERY unprofessional. It made me really upset and kinda put some doubt into my mind about the company. I don't want to work my way up much less work for a company where the people in the higher position don't value good morals...or even value their workers. There is a lot of gossip and bad talk that goes on in this company so we will see what happens.
What is keeping me in this right now is how much I love helping people lose weight! I love hearing about what they go through and trying to help them make a plan to better themselves.
The first week in April I go away again to training again to become a Program Director but I feel as though right now I would like to stay a consultant because what makes my job satisfying is being able to help my clients and as a program director I wouldn't be able to do that.

So I got back this past Friday and slept for a looooooong time. I had a great relaxing weekend with Ryan we spent most of our time outside since it was beautiful. It felt good to actually have a weekend to relax instead of working on saturdays like I usually do. For Easter we went out to dinner with our neighbor which was good. I'm just glad I got that quality time in with him and we didn't focus on all the outside things that affect our relationship so much...we got to focus on just us.

I have found it hard these past 2 weeks to call people. I barley had time to breath at training since I was always around people studying or....going to bed basically. I need to make sure I make time for the ones I love more often. After all, relationships are the most important things in my life and I'm going to work on making mine better and try and get some good girlfriends down here that I connect with just as much as the girls I have back home.

Love you all! :)

It's been awhile...

2008-03-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

Wow, I have not updated you in awhile! I have been working at Jenny Craig for just about 3 weeks now and it's been going well. I have been very exhausted, my hours are basically all over the place which is good but my body clock isn't used to it yet. I have to work every Saturday which will not be good when the summer comes...I need my poolside time ;)
I will usually get off 2 days a week but that has only happened for 2 weeks and this upcoming week I have to work 6 days just like I did the first week. I'm hoping I get more of a routine schedule after the 2 weeks of training I go through.
On the Sunday after St. Patty's Day I go to training for 2 weeks! It will be up in Cary, NC and they put us in a hotel and everything. I'm excited to meet new people and move up in my work place.

Surprisingly most of the Jenny Craig employees are overweight....our Regional Director could stand to lose a few 20lbs...not to be rude, but I wouldn't take weight loss advice from someone who was unhealthy looking. SO, today at work my coworkers and I decided to have a little competition. Each of us are putting in $25 to the pool and whoever loses the most % of body weight by May 1st gets it all....I already know I will win :)
Before I have started working I was about 152lbs I think. I just weighed myself today for the competition and I'm 140...those first few pounds came off very quickly because my body wasn't used to....well...moving, haha. I'm now working out again 5 days a week and trying to eat better but I still just eat the same things I did before...I think the moving around part is doing it. The McKenna bodies are very slender so it shouldn't be a problem to win that pool of money...esp in 2 months. I'm just worried that the hugely fat people will lose weight quicker because they are so fat so I'm glad we are doing it by % of body weight...whatever that means! SO wish me luck!!

Ryan and I are doing well. We had a spat about inviting each other out. I felt as though he didn't want me to hang out with him and his guy friends. We went for like a whole week without even seeing each other which put a lot of strain on our relationship. If he is going to hang out with his friends every night I just wanted to be included. I get along with his friends and have a good time with them so it wasn't like we were enemies or anything...I actually wanted to hang out with them. So this week was much better. I saw him more, and he invites me every time he goes out. I just want to be his like right hand man...well girlfriend. I always invite him every time I go out...well I don't even think to invite him I just think to myself that he is automatically coming...but it was different for him I guess. Now we have our date night and also get to hang out in a whole group which is great! I just miss him when I don't see him, esp if it's a couple of nights in a row. You think you would see a person if you live with them, but I realized we need to plan time together just like you plan time with everyone else because just passing each other by when we are getting ready to do other things isn't hanging out and having quality time. Now we make sure to do that. I sometimes work at night and he usually goes to the gym after work or skate boards until real late and if we need to get to the store we never get home before 9:30...then bed time is coming up!!! AHHH this early time stuff is just really hard to adjust to. In college he wouldn't usually come over to my place or me to his until 8 or 9, but now we don't see each other during the day so that's not enough hang out time for me at night since bed time comes at 10 or 11....yeah I'm a grandma!
So he has "guys night" on Thursdays and I have "girls night" on Wednesdays. Then usually we go out on the weekends...and probably one other weekday night we will do some bar low key...and by low key I just mean not as far as the city. I just feel like I'm out a lot and my body is not used to working all day then going out then getting up at the crack of dawn...that is what the pillow and blanket is for in my car at lunch time so I can take a much needed nap!

Anyway I kinda rambled on this one and don't feel like re reading to edit soooo I hope it made sense!!! By the way, that is a picture of my friends and I out for girls night on March 5 :)

I Got A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

I FINALLY GOT A JOB!!! I knew God had a plan in mind when it came to my first real job, and it only took a little over a month to get! I'm so pumped! I got a job with Jenny Craig, and I wasen't just looking for a job, I was looking for a career. Jenny Craig will be a great company to work my way up in. I know I haven't started yet but this is what I'm hoping for. SO far the job seems perfect to me! I start out as being a client coordinator because I miss out on the training program for the weight loss consultants so I have to wait for a month or so until the next one comes up...no biggie. This way I get to read and study all the material and learn about the company and meet my team and get to know them instead of just being thrown into my job. I'm really excited if you can't tell!

So anyway, this past week Ryan has been in Seattle and I have been watching our neighbors puppy....I call him Pitter Patter puppy, because he pitter patters his paws all over the place! He is the cutest dog in the world but a pain in my butt. He poops and pee's all over the place and scratches the crap out of everything...I am not a fan. Good thing I had this trial run with the puppy because I know now I can def not handle one. He is fun to play with but that is about it. I even took him out on the leash one day and he was fine running around with me, but then when I left him outside hooked on to the water thing that you hook up hoses to, he slipped out of the colar and started running a muck! He's a crazy puppy and I made sure he knew that. At least the puppy let me talk to him at all times unlike ryan ...haha. Isn't he so funny looking!! I always blow in his face and he HATES that...so of course I do it...and he hits me with his paw and tries to bite my air, it's so funny!!! HA stupid puppy....I got you!!

The hardest part about Ryan not being here was the night time. I don't like being alone in a house because my biggest fear in life is that someone will break in and rape me....seriously.

It was really hard for me to fall asleep at night because every little sound I heard I thought was a robber...talk about night sweats! I kept pretty busy doing some painting in the house since we are painting our room and did some shopping and had to get gifts all ready for valentines day!!

Ryan sent me the most beautiful flowers with a teddy bear....and I learned how to post pictures so enjoy!!! He also bought me a spa package before he left. I love how he thought so far in advance because he knew he was going to be away! And he came home and surprised me with it...it was the best! Gotta love him :)
Oh and my sister had a pretty nice Valentines Day too!! Her boyfriend decorated her whole classroom and also gave her 9 little presents to find around the room!! How cute is he!!
I told her to enjoy it while it lasts because after 3 years you still get cute stuff but it's not the same as it was to have your "firsts" and he definatley made their first Valentines a good one!
I remember Ryan and I's first Valentines together! He dropped me off at class and told me he was heading on to his and it was raining really hard that morning. Anyway, when I got back from class my whole room was decorated and had all these gifts all over the place...best Valentines ever! He's pretty crafty, he makes a lot of my gifts...or at least puts a lot of thought into them.
Looks like the McKenna girls have some great boyfriends! :)

***Love is in the air***
God Bless!

Happy

2008-02-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

Things are coming together down here. I really love this area and living with Ryan.
I've learned more about my boyfriend and our relationship in the past month then ever before. Last year, I was 100% against cohabiting before marriage but now I definatley recommend living together before tying the knot. All the arguments and little fights we have always come from something deeper and not the actual thing we are arguing about. I realized this when I was giving relationship advice to a friend. Arguments and negative feelings seem to occure more often when you are either physically away from your partner, feeling bad about yourself (or one aspect of your life isn't complete), you have trust issues which don't necessarily stem from the present relationship you are in but might be from a relationship from your past or a event in your life that had occured and now effects your life in a negative way.
But no matter what the problem is, it can always be worked out through communication. I am very glad we have had arguments because they result in progress. I have learned to actually discuss the real issue and try not to let it reflect on my life in other way. If I'm upset with myself, I have noticed I will pick a fight with Ryan about some small thing he did or say, and it really doesn't have anything to do with US and OUR relationship, but some how I make it seem like it does. Then it just turns into a whole big deal and I get him upset too, it's just not worth it.

I'm lucky to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to work at things with me and not give up on us. If you don't see yourself with this person in the future, then there really isn't a point in wasting your time right now in an argumentative relationship (unless you both agree and are just having fun right now and there is open communication about that between the both of you because you don't want one person wanting someonthing the other person does not).
Once you hit a point in your relationship you need to discuss future plans, and make sure you are on the same path. A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend after 3 years (yes ladies the 3 year mark seems to be the make or break mark) because her idea of the future was different from his. You can't have one person working towards one goal when the other has an opposite vision in mind. Ask what you want for yourself. Then ask yourself what you want for the both of you, if it doesn't seem to fit, you can't force it no matter how much you love each other.

All I know is that Ryan and I have the same vision. I want him in my life and he wants me is his forever. You never know what kind of life events might try and rip this apart but you have to be willing to fight for each other and work hard to stay together. Whatever happened to commitment these days? People so willingly give up on things when they get too hard. I have found that we are working on things that should of been taken care of in the beginning months in our relationship, but you always need to rekindle things. We both have been able to talk about our feelings and issues with each other, and trust that the other one will respect how we feel and try to change what has already happened. There's no use living in the past, but you gotta work towards the future so when another argument comes up you can tackle it quicker and feel better about it afterwards :)

Just a little update on my life, I'm such a house wife here. I cook, clean, do laundry...everything. And I actually love it. Still no real job, but I'm off to doing something I love...putting make up on people at Victorias Secret!

Remember COMMUNICATION is key and there is nothing more important in this world then love.

oh yeah and sorry if there are a lot of errors on this blog but the spell check doesn't seem to work right now.

Perfection

2008-01-21T21:07:00.001-08:00

You know what people say when you have too much time on your hands...you think too much. Well I already think a lot (some people might be laughing at that comment but seriously...) so my mind must be in over drive right now. I feel like my focus right now is to perfect my relationship with Ryan. When is reality I'm thinking up things that need fixing and rushing into the fixation if you know what I mean. I feel like I'm putting in all this effort to help things between us and then if one thing goes wrong or a fight comes out of something he so willingly gives up. I need help in this relationship and he knows that and says that but guys don't like fighting...and I really don't either but I would much rather fight then give up on something that is important. Sometimes I need help with things and I need someone to not give up on me. Love means you don't give up, no matter what, even if a fight does occur out of it. What are a few angry words compared to an experience that actually helps the relationship in the end instead of hurting it.

Girls needs someone by their side, supporting them, through everything. I wouldn't even have to ask my mom to help me with something, she would already be there giving and giving. Is that just a moms job? Is that not the job of a boyfriend? I really think that my mom did that out of love and it made her feel good to know I needed her help. I made it clear to Ryan, and he made it clear to me that he wanted to help me more, esp with the whole job searching.
How can someone just give up after a little tiff? Especially after having a huge conversation about how we need to improve our relationship.

I might be looking too hard into this...I might be the problem here, which I know I am. I am the problem causer, I'll admit that. But when I'm open to ideas and help, I need someone there to give it to me even if I question them. How do you learn in life without questioning things?

On a side note. I came home this past weekend to pick up the rest of my stuff in a truck. If was great to see my family and friends. I felt as though my relationships were still as strong as ever. What you put into relationships will be what comes out of them. Nothing was awkward or weird to me, I actually felt like I just saw them yesterday and we pick up right where we left off. It's never like omg what is up I haven't seen you in forever but more like...Hey let's go dance and have a good time. I love my friends for that...we just fit. And I know that. All relationships have to fit...how do you know if you will fit with someone forever?

I demand so many things from this relationship and have been having trouble controlling the bad things. I don't want to compare or be compared but I can't help but find myself doing that.
It all comes down to, is this good enough for the rest of your life?

It's not for me...I feel like I need to be set with me and in my ways before I can be set with someone else. The first thing I need to conquer is my career....

until next time.

Officially moved in...

2008-01-07T23:02:00.000-08:00

So I think that these past few days have been the hardest for me. I had to leave my best friends and family in Maryland on Saturday. I had a goodbye dinner with my girlfriends and then they came back to my house to help me pack my car. I knew I would cry but I held it in till I said bye. As I hugged Ryan Freas it reminded me of when I left for college. Goodbyes suck, they always will. It just feels like the sun is setting. I have had the same friends since freshman year of high school. Those were the girls I would have sleep overs with, would call when I was crying at 2am in college, and would come home to in the summer time. I can't even begin to explain to you how much they mean to me and how apart of me they are. I'm going to miss them like crazy and I don't want to let go, but I have to.

This reminds me of the Linkin Park Song
"In cards and flowers on your window,
Your friends all plead for you to stay.
Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple. Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.
The sun will set for you, And the sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day, Will embrace the world in gray
And the sun will set for you..."

I don't even want to go into saying goodbye to my mom and dad. It's hard not being their little girl anymore. It just hurts to know that one part of your life is over. Guess the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it too....

::sigh::

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2008-01-07T23:00:00.001-08:00

This year I spent Christmas with both my family and Ryan's family. I got a lot of great things for Christmas, mainly everyday things since I will be using them when I move down to Charlotte and will have no money to buy them myself. We did our usual go to Church on Christmas Eve, got the lecture by my priest about how we shouldn't show up to Church only 2 times a year and need to come more often....I really don't like how my priest addresses certain topics. I hope to find a church down south that fits me more. I don't like to be lectured, I think priests should be more supportive than anything and just preach Gods word to uplift us and continue on in His name. So, that will definitely be one thing I will be doing when I get down there.

Let's see, I tried baking again this year to give cookies to Ryan's parents. They turned out well...just had to throw out all the burnt ones...and by throw out I mean I ate them. I really feel like I fit in with his family when I go down to visit them. That is very important to me. They are crazy and loud just like me so I love it. I'm lucky to have 2 great families in my life. I have been relaxing and basically hanging out with Ryan and my family everyday since then. I think I have watched more movies this week then in my whole life. But I know Ryan needed to relax...it was a part of his whole "stress free Christmas." And that is what my present included. He got this awesome soft blanket from BrookeStone and a massage kit thing with lotion and oil and stuff like that. As for me, I made him a box. Yea that's right a box. BUT, I painted it and turned it into this little mail box that we can throw our mail into when we get some so it isn't just thrown around in our house. I hate clutter, esp papers everywhere. It drives me crazy!! Then I put candy into it...you know, to make it more like a present then just a box. I have been really into painting lately. It's very relaxing. I also got to visit my neighbors. It was really good to see them! Everyone is growing up so fast it's crazy. Welp that's about it! I've been going crazy thinking about how much I will be packing and taking down there because Ryan doesn't want "clutter" in his house, so I have to be careful in what I bring....yeah right....I'm bringing all my crap! I'm a very clean person anyway and so is he so I don't think we will really have an issue with the cleanliness of the house. My friends from North Dakota come tomorrow and are going to help me move down to Charlotte and I'm really excited to see them!! It will be fun!Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

Friendship

2007-12-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Tonight was Crew Christmas. My 5 girlfriends and I have been doing this for years now, and it is important to take time out of our busy lives especially over the holidays to enjoy each others company. It's one of the few times ALL of us can be together at one time. We get all dressed up for each other to! Each of us brings something to add to the dinner table. Pammy did a great job and set up this whole fondue chocolate thing! Then we did that present game where you can steal each others gifts. I ended up with a great movie and a CD thanks to Ryan :)

As I looked at all my friends tonight I noticed how much everyone has changed. Not in bad ways, but good ways. I have grown closer to most and have separated from others. I felt sad because I used to know and be great friends with one particular girl, but now we have grown up, changed and unfortunately grown apart. I'm lucky to still connect and stay great friends with the other girls, but at a certain point you come to realize who you can confide in and who you can just go out and have fun with. It's time I accept the changes that have occurred and see it as a blessing that I had them in my life.

I know I will make great friends in Charlotte, but I also know I can never replace the ones that I have in Maryland

I have also recently found out that some friendships change over time. I'm reminded of a quote when I think about my life and all the people in it.

"Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. But all are necessary, otherwise they wouldn't be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act. "

Now, I'm on to the next act....

<3 Always.

Welcome to my blog!!!

2007-12-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

So I was at dinner tonight with a friend and she mentioned she wrote a blog so I decided that since I'm moving I will be able to update everyone on my life this way!

Most people know I am moving because my boyfriend got a job with Microsoft in June and was relocated to Charlotte, NC. I have always wanted to live in NC, and now I am finally doing it. It took me this long to finally decide to go, but I made it. I'm excited to finally start doing something with my life and open up a new chapter! I want to get a modeling job, but first I have to lose the 30lbs that I have put on since May. I know I can do it so that wont be a problem. I used to be a huge gym junky so now I just need to get back into my routine. As my main job I would love to go into marketing and advertising. We will see where Charlotte takes me! I can't to become a professional! Especially because the new suits these days are too cute! Watch me become famous one day for just being cute...haha.

I think there is more in store for me then I realize. I'm always naive when it comes to something new but I always do it anyway. The only thing I'm scared about losing right now is my freedom. There will be a lot of compromising and space invasion that will be going on. I'm not used to sharing....so this should be interesting.

So I will be spending a lot of time with friends and family until the middle of Jan when I head off.
By the way, I'm blessed with possibly the most caring and wonderful parents ever. I love them and will continually need them through out my whole life. So parents...beware, you'll get many phone calls with me crying....love you.